Gaebriel's Open Book:
Challenging Comfort
We all have that cozy space where everything feels familiar, the people we know, the routines we follow. But outside of that lies a world of possibilities that push us to grow. The trick is to step just far enough without stretching yourself too thin. Gaebriel, a UI designer with a background in social justice, is seeking something different.
Open Book is a series shining a light on the work, lives, and thoughts of the interesting people we cross paths with. You never know, you may make a new friend in the space one day.
This interview has been edited for clarity and concision.
Interview by Michelene Wilkerson; Edited by Branda Ayo.
Learning What Not to Do
This chapter of my life is all about learning what not to do. I’ve been in the same place for a few years now, same job, same area, same circles and that consistency has made me realize that maybe I don’t want or need some of these things in my life anymore. It’s been a year of questioning what actually makes me happy and comfortable, and figuring out how to move towards the life I truly want. I’ve found that some of the routines and comforts I’ve held onto aren’t really serving me, and it’s time to make changes that align more with my true desires.
I don’t think there was a singular moment that made me realize things needed to change, it was more of a compounding realization. I kept seeing the same patterns, the same things happening over and over again. I was overworking myself, pushing too hard to get ahead, and sacrificing work-life balance because I felt like I needed to constantly show up for someone else, like a CEO or something. I saw myself in this unhealthy cycle, and then I’d have conversations with people in my community who were doing the exact same thing, feeling the same pressures.
It hit me that it doesn’t have to be this way. I shouldn’t have to live like that, and honestly, I don’t want to. That’s when I started looking for ways to break the cycle and step out of that sameness. It wasn’t just about changing my routines, it was about rethinking the whole approach to how I was living.
Breaking the Cycle of Sameness
I’m definitely a creature of habit, someone who loves routine, but I’ve realized that my love for routine can sometimes trap me in a cycle of sameness. For example, I used to go into the office most days of the week, but I found that being around people all the time was draining me and leading to burnout. I’ve had to learn to take advantage of the hybrid work model, to give myself the space I need to function well. Outside of work, I’ve also been challenging drinking culture. You’re expected to be at the bar with your friends every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I fell into that routine, grinding through the week, doing freelance projects after my nine-to-five, and then spending the weekends drinking and socializing because that’s what everyone else was doing.
I used to join in because it was comfortable and everyone was doing it, but I realized it wasn’t the life I wanted. So now, I’m making conscious decisions to break out of that sameness and create a life that feels more authentic to who I am.
Introspection and Self-Questioning
This has been a season of deep introspection for me. I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions about what really makes me feel good and content. I’ve spent so much of my life thinking about how others view me, my work, my words, my actions and it’s only in the last couple of years that I’ve realized how detrimental that’s been to the way I live, work, and even just exist. It’s affected all aspects of my life, making it hard to function when I’m constantly trying to do everything in a way that would appease everyone around me, which is impossible. It got too hard, and I reached a point where I knew I couldn’t live like that anymore.
It’s been a process of sitting and talking with myself (not out loud because that might seem odd) and really looking inward. I’m questioning everything, even down to the way I sit in a chair: am I sitting in a way that’s comfortable for me, or in a way that looks good to others? It’s a lot of forgetting, or at least trying not to think about, the eyes that are on me, the external pressures, and instead focusing on existing for my own well-being.
It can feel a bit self-centered at times, but I’ve had to decouple that feeling from narcissism. It’s not about being self-absorbed; it’s about loving and respecting myself enough to live in a way that’s true to me.
The Shift from Social Justice to Creativity
Moving from social justice to focusing on creativity has been an interesting shift for me. Social justice work was all about being vocal, debating, and constantly engaging with people’s opinions. But since shifting, I’ve embraced a more reserved approach. I still carry those values of accessibility and intersectionality with me, but I don’t feel the need to lay everything out on the table right away. If someone wants to have a deeper conversation, I’m open to it, but I’ve learned that not everything needs to be shared immediately. Shifting into UI design allowed me to take on new skills and learn outside of academia, reshaping my view of creativity. I’ve started to embrace the idea of playing, something I never let myself do before.
Growing up, I convinced myself that I wasn’t an artist because I couldn’t oil paint, watercolor, or sculpt. I cut those things out of my life because I thought if I wasn’t good at them, I shouldn’t bother trying. But now, I’m learning that it’s okay to be bad at something, to practice and grow. It’s been freeing to explore different creative fields, even outside of design, and to allow myself the space to make mistakes and learn from them.
When it comes to where I belong, I’ve come to realize that there isn’t one specific place, niche, or world where I fit. The limit doesn’t exist. I don’t have to stay in one place physically, mentally, or spiritually. I find contentment in being expansive, in allowing myself to explore multiple fields and ideas. It’s the labels and markers we put on ourselves, whether from external pressures or internal doubts that restrict us. By removing those boxes and embracing the fluidity of my identity and interests, I’ve found where I truly belong: outside the box.
Finding Contentment Over Happiness
I’ve stopped aiming for happiness as a long-term goal because I’ve realized that it’s a fleeting emotion, more of a peak than a constant state. Instead, I’m focusing on finding contentment and being at peace with where I am and what I’m doing. That means coming home from work without feeling burned out, having the capacity to talk to friends, and having the time and energy to work on personal projects and things that really matter to me.
Another thing I’m reconsidering is where I live. There was a time when I thought moving back to Seattle would be a failure, like I’d come this far, so why go back? I grew up outside of Seattle in a small, conservative town called Bonney Lake. Back then, it felt like the last place I wanted to be, and I didn’t see any room for growth there. That’s why I moved as far away as possible.
But now, after experiencing so much and having those paradigm shifts in my thinking, I see that going back doesn’t necessarily mean going backward. It doesn’t have to be Bonney Lake; it could be Seattle or somewhere else entirely. On my last visit home, I realized how much more Washington has to offer, the beautiful nature, the people, the sense of place that I didn’t fully appreciate when I was younger. So now, I’m thinking about where I need to be physically to feel content, to do the work I want to do, and to live the life that feels right for me.